Three Questions to Ask Your Brain

When faced with a problem or even a great opportunity, it is important to know how to have a conversation with yourself. After years of working with children with learning challenges and now with a group of beautiful women in addictions recovery, I've narrowed it down to three really really good questions you can ask yourself to stay focused and not jump to a conclusion you might regret later. Almost everyone in today's culture is wired for some degree of impulsiveness. Our high use of technology and screen time helps make our brain crave things that move fast, including our thought life. But almost everyone agrees that this condition is not very helpful for a meaningful life where we make thoughtful decisions based on good input. So after 35 years of working with children and adults with impulsivity, there are three amazingly simple questions that can help anyone slow down, reflect, and get to a good solution or to a new idea. So here they are, short and sweet.
      Number One is "What do I see?" I know, that sounds way too simple, but that is exactly the point. We often do not take the time to acquire enough useful information for our brain. We have very blurred or sweeping perception of things we see or hear. We fool ourselves into thinking we "got this."  "I saw that." "I know what I heard." In reality, we did not catch all the details or the ones that would be relevant. So by slowing down for just a few seconds and looking again or listening again and digging into the details, we can think with more focused clarity.  Ask yourself, "What did I REALLY see?" and then, "What else did I see?" Get some good answers before moving to the next step.
      Question Number Two is, "What is the problem?" Not just the surface issue, but what is the real underlying concern? The one that if I solved THIS problem, all others would also fade away? We often chase the obvious and think we are being the hero for solving a problem, when actually we are just taking the easy road. This also takes a few seconds or minutes to ponder and pursue in a methodical manner and it is worth it in the long run. When that step is taken, then the third question really has some punch in it for solving problems.
      Question Number Three is "What is my plan?" What steps does your brain have in mind to solve the real problem you identified from the excellent details you observed? Here is where rubber meets the road as your neurons fire away, searching for good steps to take. It will be easier to male the plan because you invested a few minutes, or sometimes a few days, into answering questions number one and two. A great method for accomplishing the plan is to put the steps into writing. Somewhere I read research that showed we accomplish more goals when we put them into writing. That makes sense.

These three questions sum up how to solve problems in life. Just be willing to invest a few extra minutes. May you have a delightful little conversation with yourself today!

1. What do I see? 
2. What is the problem? 
3. What is my plan?